First Girl Read online

  Just looking at the bulk of the Minders’ arms crossed over their chests like slumbering pythons was enough to set Gabi to wheezing, but there was no other way into Gram’s room. She might be denied entry or worse, caught in her deception at last. The council could discover that she was the one who had tripped the alarm at any moment and begin looking for her. Surely the camera footage would be the first place they looked for clues to the source of the breach.

  Bursts of chatter came through the listening devices inserted into the Minders’ ears, and Gabby knew that if she hadn’t been identified as the perpetrator yet, she soon would be. She closed her eyes and tried to visualize her lungs, pink, healthy, and inflating like a pair of jolly birthday balloons the way Gram had taught her. She inhaled, her eyes flying open at the unexpected sensation of her chest straining against her cotton shirt. Her cells spun and jiddered in the wash of oxygen. There was a burning sensation along either side of her neck, but the discomfort paled beside the glory of such a breath. Taking courage from this new development, Gabi inched toward the Minders until she was standing directly in front of them.

  “I’m here to see my grandmother,” Gabi stated.

  The Minders’ faces remained impassive as the male one, whose shaved head flowed seamlessly into a trunk-like neck, made a rumbling noise. Gabi quailed at the barricade of muscle before her, but the alternative—not seeing Gram before whatever was about to happen to her, happened—was too horrible to consider. She drew herself up to her full five feet, squaring her bony shoulders. “I’m Brother Lowell’s daughter. He asked me to come and check on Gram. He gave me his passcard to show you that I’m here with his permission.” Gabi peeled the stolen card away from the skin beneath her waistband, taking care to keep the folded whale photo concealed under her shirt.

  “Oh, let her in already,” a nurse exclaimed, bustling over to where Gabi stood. The nurse looked to be only a few years older than Mathew, her lips slicked a violent shade of purple. Everything about her was pointy, from the bleached tips of her short hair to the studs in her earlobes and the jut of her jaw. She planted her fists on her hips and glared up at the Minders. “She’s got the passcard, hasn’t she? Let the girl pass. We were about to notify Brother Lowell that we’ve got her stabilized anyway. She’s clear for visits from immediate family.”

  The Minders remained motionless, but the nurse, whose nametag read, “Jyoti Mehta, RN,” shoved Gabi through the narrow crevice between the two hulks with an encouraging smile. “Go on, then. If you wait for signs of life from these two, you’ll be here till the Rapture.”

  Gabi turned to thank Nurse Mehta, but the wall of flesh closed behind her, blocking the corridor.

  The muted hums, beeps, whirs, and ticks of various pieces of equipment clamored for dominance in the room. Gabi wondered how anyone could be expected to recover in such a place. Her grandmother was little more than a ripple between the raised railings of the bed, pallid features barely distinguishable from the sheet pulled up to her slack chin. The signature of Gram hovered just over where she lay, as if she were deliberating about whether to settle back into her body or move off like a spent storm cloud.

  “Stay,” Gabi whispered, lingering just inside the door. “Please stay.”

  Gram’s eyelids fluttered open. “Gabriela?” she rasped.

  Gabi approached the bed, searching for a place on Gram’s arms that was clear of needles and tubes to place her hand.

  “Gram?” Gram’s lips stretched across her teeth in the approximation of a smile, and a sigh escaped her. “Gram, I’m here.” Gabi’s lips tasted of salt, and her face felt itchy and tight. She eased her hand between two patches of medical tape affixed to Gram’s arm and stroked her parchment skin. The mist in Gram’s eyes cleared as she responded to the touch.

  “Some water, maybe?” she croaked, her lips sticking to her teeth. Gabi poured water from a plastic pitcher into a cup and held it to Gram’s lips. Gram gave a satisfied sigh, and some of the animation returned to her face. “Gabriela, you look… have you taken your pills?”

  “No, Gram. Not since breakfast.” Her grandmother nodded, gazing intently at Gabi’s face.

  “Perhaps you might wait a bit longer, if you feel all right. Try that, okay? Just see.”

  “Gram, don’t worry about me!” Gabi swiped at her runny nose with the back of her free hand. She felt irrationally angry at Gram for being so selfless when Gabi had thought of nothing but herself from the moment she woke up that morning. Gram’s arm twitched under Gabi’s hand.

  “Listen to me, dear. We don’t have much time, and there’s something I have to—”

  “No!” Gabi choked out. “You’re going to be fine, okay? I’ll make sure of it. This is all my fault.” She slid her palm under Gram’s.

  “What do you mean, your fault?” her grandmother prompted.

  Gabi gritted her teeth and forced herself to stop blubbering. Gram deserved the truth, and this was her chance to tell it.

  “I set off the alarm.” Gabi pulled the crumpled whale-dissection photo and passcard out of the waistband of her skirt.

  “No, child, you didn’t,” Gram said, struggling to sit up, but Gabi held up her hand.

  “Please, I need to say it.” She unfolded the photo and held it up for Gram to see. “I wanted to look at the books in the Corrections Facility. For school and… and for me too. I found this photo.” For a moment Gabi forgot she was in the midst of a confession and got swept up in the wonder of her discovery once more. If anyone could appreciate it, Gram could. “Look, see, this is a dissected whale flipper. Those bones are finger bones! All the books say that whales used to live on land, and this is proof. They have toes too!”

  Gram shook her head. “Gabriela, you have to listen to me.” She was gasping, and one of the beeping noises in the room sped up.

  “I took Dad’s passcard, Gram. I stole it, left the service, and snuck into the Corrections Facility, then I tore this page out of a big book, and that’s what made the alarm go off!” The room spun as Gabi paused to inhale. Gram collapsed back into the pillows and tried to reach a hand up to touch Gabi’s face, but she was tethered by the tubes running from her arms to the bags of medicine.

  “Gabriela—”

  “It’s my fault you had a heart attack! I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to make it better. I’m going to tell everyone, I swear, but I wanted to tell you first. I wanted to see you. Please forgive me, Gram, please.” Gabi was sobbing now, snot and tears streaming down her face as she dropped the photo and passcard onto the bed and braced her hands on the railing. Raised voices reached them from the hallway. Gabi looked back at the broad, molded backs of the two Minders, but they remained cemented in place.

  “Gabriela, listen to me now.” Despite her weakened state, the iron had come back into her grandmother’s voice. It was a tone Gabi recognized from when she argued over some bit of Unitas doctrine with Sam. “You did not set off that alarm, do you hear me?”

  “But Gram, I—”

  “No, listen, Gabriela. I know you didn’t set off the alarm, because I did.”

  “Gram, what are you talking about?”

  “I was going to D Wing on the ninth floor for supplies. We’ve been running low on the Returned wards for a while, and I knew there’d been no staff assigned to D Wing for ages. I figured the supplies there would still be well stocked.” She paused, closing her eyes. Gabi thought she’d lost consciousness, but after a few beats she opened them and continued. “I was in the supply closet when I saw one of the doctors and a Minder rushing into what I always thought was just another rest ward under renovation. But then I… I heard—” Gram faltered. The room became a riot of sounds, bleating her growing distress.

  “Stop, Gram, please, you’re hurting yourself.”

  “Listen, Gabi! I followed them. I saw…. Oh, honey, I saw…. You have to know. You have to tell.” Gram’s face crumpled, and her eyes grew wet. She shook her head as though to shake the disturbing image that haunted her.
What was going on?

  Two nurses shouldered their way into the room, forcing Gabi to the perimeter as they checked the machines and prodded at Gram.

  “You’ll have to wait outside now,” one of them barked as he pulled an oxygen mask over Gram’s face and took her pulse. The other was Nurse Mehta, the one who’d helped Gabi get past the Minders.

  “Visitors Lounge is all the way down toward the elevators and to the left,” she coaxed. “We need to get your grandma calmed down, okay? It’s better if you wait there.”

  Gabi strained to see Gram, but the two nurses were huddled over her like mechanics over a broken engine. A weight settled on her shoulder, and she looked up to see the female Minder staring down at her. The imposing woman marched Gabi out of the room and down the hall to the Visitors Lounge, where she urged her onto one of the upholstered sofas and produced a box of juice from a refrigerator in the corner.

  “Wait here,” the Minder stated, her opaque stare pinning Gabi to her seat before she lumbered back down the hall to resume her post. Glaring lights bounced off the polished tiles of the empty lounge, leaving no comfort or softness of shadow. Everything had sharp edges, even the cushions that padded the sofa where Gabi sat. With a jolt Gabi realized she had left her whale photo and the passcard lying on top of Gram’s blanket. She leaned her elbows onto her knees and dug her fists into her eyes. What did it even matter? Nothing mattered if Gram died. Gabi curled into herself on the sofa, staring sightlessly across the room.

  She didn’t begrudge Mathew the two years he had with their mother before the accident that took her life right after Gabi was born. He needed the cushion of those years to comfort him, but Gabi had always had her gram, for as long as she could remember. She did try to force some sense of connection with the smiling woman in the photos, to see Therese’s face suggested in her own when she examined her features in the bedroom mirror. But she felt as though only the most hidden traits lurking within both of her parents had combined to form the pitiful changeling they’d named Gabriela, in honor of Gabriel, the first true Messenger.

  Gram had stepped in to care for Gabi and Mathew after their mother was killed in an automobile accident and had been at the center of their lives ever since. She didn’t lecture Gabi about becoming a council Messenger or give her a hard time about her books. She just listened and told Gabi incredible stories about summer vacations on the shores of Lake Michigan and long family road trips to the West Coast, where mountains sheared right down into the ocean and crumbled into pebbles. Her father didn’t like Gram sharing these stories with Gabi, so it became a secret ritual they indulged in during the quiet afternoons after school when the house was theirs alone.

  Gram would bring out the weathered suitcase she kept stored in her room, full of the only things, apart from her clothes and bottles of Naylor’s Pro-Bac, that she’d brought with her when she left her branch. Gabi would plead with Gram to allow her to see inside the case, but Gram always insisted on opening the suitcase a crack and slipping her hand through to choose a treasure to share. Would she withdraw an old favorite, like the handheld rectangular screens people used to use for phones before the networks crashed? Or the creased postcard showing the Pacific coastline before the waters ate it all the way to the foothills of the Sierras and Cascades? There were no true surprises anymore. They’d been playing their secret game for too long, and the suitcase was only so big. Of course there were some objects that Gram refused to share. Some things were sacred, Gram had said the first time Gabi asked to look inside the case.

  “Gabriela?” a voice inquired from the doorway of the lounge. It was Nurse Mehta. She was close enough that Gabi could see where the purple lipstick had caked along the border of her pink inner lip and the way the plummy color brought out the circles under the young woman’s eyes. Gabi sat up, shoving a wilted tangle of hair out of her eyes. “Your grandmother would like to see you. We tried to get her to rest for a bit, but she wouldn’t settle down until we agreed to bring you back in.”

  Gabi stood and moved mechanically toward the door, but Nurse Mehta stayed her with a touch on the arm. “She’s extremely fragile right now. It is very important not to upset her.”

  Gabi nodded.

  Gram still wore the oxygen mask, but her chest moved up and down in a reassuring rhythm. Gabi waited until Nurse Mehta left before touching Gram on the back of her hand. Gram’s eyes flew open, and she pulled the oxygen mask from her face, making it clear that she’d only been playacting the role of a restful patient to get the nurses out of the room.

  “Gram, don’t—”

  “Shhh, listen to me now. There is something terrible happening in this place, and I don’t know who else knows, so it’s important that you not tell anyone until I figure out who we can trust. I hate to put this on you, honey, but you’re going to have to do something for me.”

  “What, Gram? What are you talking about?”

  Gram reached under the blanket and pulled out the passcard and the whale photo, then pressed them into Gabi’s hand.

  “Take these. Keep your father’s passcard for when you need it again. He’ll notice it’s missing, but I’m always finding it in his jackets and pants pockets anyway. He’ll just think he misplaced it. Hide the photo somewhere in your room, and don’t tell anybody about getting into the Corrections Facility. I need you to help me, and you can’t do that if you get yourself into trouble.”

  “But it’s all my fault!”

  “No,” Gram stated evenly. “I saw what they were doing. I cried out because of what I saw, and then they saw me. That’s when I felt the pain in my arm. They activated the alarm, but I caused it.”

  “Who are you talking about? We need to tell Dad,” Gabi whispered, struggling to make sense of Gram’s words.

  “I intend to, or at least I’ll try, but I need you not to say anything just yet—not what you did and not what I did. I need to speak with your father privately first.” All the temporary animation drained out of Gram’s face. She pulled the oxygen mask back down and inhaled. Sam’s voice floated toward them from down the hall, and Gram’s eyes widened as she pulled the mask away from her face again. “Remember, Gabriela, I will speak to him myself. Just leave—” Gram broke off as Sam entered the room, Officer Katz and Messenger Nystrom following on his heels. Gram drew the oxygen mask back down and nodded at Gabi in reassurance.

  Her father pinned Gabi with an admonishing look as he leaned over Gram and put his hand on her forehead. “Mom, you really gave me a scare.” Gram moved to lift her mask, but Sam stilled her hand. “You don’t have to talk right now. The nurse says you’re going to be fine if you can keep still for a while. I told her she doesn’t know who she’s dealing with.”

  Gram laid a fond hand on Sam’s cheek, and Sam placed a kiss in the center of her palm. For an instant Gabi’s father looked young again, but then Messenger Nystrom cleared his throat and stepped forward into the family tableau.

  “Sam, Officer Katz does need to get some information from your mother. We’ve got to determine the sequence of events to address the breach in security. Until we do, the entire community is vulnerable.”

  Sam’s face hardened. “Ben, as you can see, she’s in no condition to talk at the moment. It will have to wait.”

  “Nonsense,” Gram mumbled from beneath the mask. She shoved it up onto her forehead and glared at Messenger Nystrom, whom she’d always said was more pompous than a servant of the Word should be. “Let’s get this over with. I’ve got some questions of my own I’d like answered.”

  “Gabriela, it would be best if you went home now,” Sam said sternly. “As you can see, your grandmother is back to her usual stubborn self, and I’m sure she’ll be too tired for company when we’re finished. We’ll come back tomorrow, okay? Please tell Mathew.”

  “But what about Gram’s stuff?” Perhaps Gabi could convince Mathew to let her tag along with him to deliver the personal items to Gram. Maybe she’d have one more chance to learn her grandmother’s secret b
efore being exiled to the house for the night.

  “It can wait,” her father said, sighing and glancing over at Messenger Nystrom and Officer Katz. “It will have to.”

  Gabi looked down at Gram. The once-solid edges of her body were fuzzy and luminous, the hovering essence Gabi had noticed earlier lifting farther into the air, attached by only the finest silvery threads. Gram’s eyes bored into hers, but there was an encroaching vacancy in her gaze. Gabi leaned over to kiss her cheek, the motion causing tears to spill out of her eyes again. Before pulling away, she turned her mouth to her grandmother’s ear. “I love you, Gram. Please stay.”

  MATHEW HAD almost regained the plaza when Gabi caught him and told him that their father insisted they return home and wait for him there. Her brother’s face fell as he lifted Gram’s overnight bag. “What about this?”

  “Tomorrow,” Gabi said. “They need to ask her some questions, and then she has to rest.”

  “It’s not fair,” Mathew mumbled, his voice breaking. “I didn’t get to see her.”

  Don’t cry, Gabi pleaded silently. She didn’t know if she could handle watching one more person she loved suffer because of her.

  Mathew looked longingly across the plaza toward the Care Center. The crowd had dispersed, everyone gone home to get out of the weather. For the five months of drought and blistering heat that made up one of the two seasons the northern hemisphere experienced, everyone prayed for the arctic blasts and frozen precipitation of winter, but no enthusiasm could withstand the assault of such dead cold. Summer meant unquenchable thirst, temperatures streaking up above 120 degrees, and soil parched so deeply that not even snow and early floods could percolate through it. Still, by May, not a soul among them wasn’t praying for the flame-fingered tortures of summer to commence.